...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize