today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
