Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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