Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
