considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
