It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
