I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Holy sore nipples Batman
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
