How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
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