I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
