i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
