My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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