VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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