i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
