can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My balls are so social today.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
