i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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