trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
