I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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