Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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