new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
