like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
