She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
