Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
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