So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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