You made me cry and you don't even care
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
