those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
