I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
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