how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
