He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
