Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
