Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
