Already got asked if we're dating
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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