If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Drake has all the answers
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
