and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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