Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
