If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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