I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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