phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
