My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
handjob tips. give me some.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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