watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.