I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
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These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
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Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him