Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home