i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
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I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
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I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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