Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents