im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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