Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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