Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
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how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
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My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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