Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
