Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Randomize
