There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
