were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
