i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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