i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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