Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
