he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
