it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
