dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
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you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
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I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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