Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
wow bdsm is so cute
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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