He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
