Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
