I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
