she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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