She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
