totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize