She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
