No awkward lesbian experiences without me
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
