My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
