you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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