I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
