Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
