I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
