Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
