i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
