remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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