I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
