I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
