Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
