Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
