I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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