My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize