she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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