My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
