i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
