Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
