I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
