we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
