im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
PANTIES FOUND
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