im having a threesome with these popsicles
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's shark week go big or go home
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
