my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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